Sleepless nights, good and bad memories in infinite looping, evolutions and relapses, emotions running high, anger and disbelief, crying and wailing. We’ve all been there at least once in our lives when a relationship that has provided memorable moments ends.

Recently, I went through the end of a very intense relationship and we know that the higher you fly, the greater the fall. It seems that in our happiest moments she had already prophesied that day when she said: “everything is beautiful now that we are well, but we will see how it will be when we are put to the test”. And everything happened before imagined.

Over the past 10 years, I have given courses, consultancies and training on emotional intelligence. I must say that I know the theory well. I saw friends and colleagues overcome traumas in the profession and in the family, but throw in the towel when it comes to broken heart. But recently, I found myself in their place. I was put to the test. I had to apply everything in practice to prove that my tips / methods really work! And that is not easy.

There are many ways to overcome in a mature and constructive way that phase that looks like it will never pass. I took advantage of this period to list below an arsenal of tools that I teach and that, as I had to apply them, I was able to reformulate and improve. In the end, I hope they are useful for you or a friend, today or tomorrow, as much as they were for me.

No man will ever step into the waters of the same river, because the river is constantly changing, and so is the human being. If each member of the couple is in continuous evolution (or sometimes involution), it would be an illusion to keep the relationship in the same mold as when they started. Imagine if a couple who has lived together for 10 years has maintained the same behavior with each other all this time? Just as each person evolves individually, the “individual couple” must also evolve. Sometimes the relationship just needs a makeover, so think: is it really necessary to separate or is it possible to make adjustments to the route?

A very common mistake is that ending a love relationship is the same as ending the whole relationship, but if you and she shared so much time together, so close, does all of this really need to die? How about transmuting the relationship into something better, like a friendship?

If as a couple the relationship doesn’t work anymore, maybe as friends you rediscover why you liked each other so much for so long. Remember: boyfriend has an expiration date, but ex is forever.

No matter how strong you are, it is an illusion to try not to suffer from the end of a relationship. Every separation represents a great loss and a blow to self-esteem for a species like ours that hates change. Couples tolerate their partner’s real atrocities to avoid the pain of separation (change) and the fear of loneliness, which often seem greater than the pain of living with someone who no longer satisfies you.